Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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