The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
