I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
