Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
