she smelled like a LAN party
so let's talk penis.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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