If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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