shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
