the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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