no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
