he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
