she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
