so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
