Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
