The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
