I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
