Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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