too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
