as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
foreskin is a definite game changer
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
