I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
