Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
