i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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