Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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