got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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