You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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