quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
