The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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