No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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