Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
