I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The adults are the big ones right?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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