Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
