her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
