I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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