his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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