Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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