I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
