My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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