Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
