the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
