If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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