just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
