I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
