his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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