I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
