its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
