We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
