What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
