I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Randomize
