and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
