i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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