You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
