You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
