It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
