it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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