we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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