If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
