k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
