I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
