I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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