Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
we made out on top of his cat.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
