You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
